Relationships are hard enough when there is no trauma or its resulting effects. But when trauma is part of the relationship with one or both parties, relationships have a whole new set of rules & guidelines, or they can in fact begin to mirror what we left behind.

Partners supporting those who have experienced trauma, but none themselves, often have no experience, understanding or skillset from which to be an equal part in this relationship and quite often feel they are just along on a ride they didn’t sign up for, but love the person too much to want to just leave.

There is no predictable game plan, no situation that is guaranteed and a person who may seem inconsistent, unstable & unreliable, when really they are just living with the trauma that is in their system. Learning how to support a partner who is living with and / or healing from trauma can make all the difference in how you move through these pieces as individuals and as a couple.

If both within the couple have experienced trauma, a skilled & knowledgeable approach and plan can be a real asset, to help avoid constantly tripping or triggering each others’ land mines, accidentally or intentionally.

Being in relationship while dealing with trauma is absolutely possible. With some help, a guiding framework and some new skills, this journey can be moved through in quite a loving way, where the things that happen will ultimately bring you closer together instead of tearing you apart.

If you have children in the middle of either situation,this adds yet another layer of challenges that need to be addressed so what they are witnessing, hearing and being part of, doesn’t land on them and create a different future than the one you truly want for them.

Every person in this relationship deserves and is worthy of healing, love and connection, no matter how bad or confusing things may seem in this moment.  I work with both sides of these relationships individually, as well as with couples and families, to work towards safe, effective & balanced resolution from the effects of trauma.