Trauma & Secure Attachment
- Aug 23, 2020
- By Kimberly Davidson
- In acceptance, aliveness, Allowing, Appreciation, Attachment, authentic, balance, Caring, Centered, clear, Compassionate, connection, Curious, Freedom, fun, Gentleness, Open, Passion, Patience, Purpose, Receiving, Resilience, Safety, Self Care, Self Compassion, Self Love
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What is Secure Attachment?
In a phrase – healthy autonomy.
This is a natural, biological connection, created by parents and caregivers who were/are tuned in to the child’s needs and respond with warmth, connection and safe physical contact. Children are confident that parents will respond to their needs, so feel safe and loved in their presence. Parents also allow the child to explore & learn and make themselves available as the “safe home base” for the child to connect/reconnect to, for safety & security.
Healthy autonomy as adults, allows adults to connect with their partners, friends, co-workers etc., They are comfortable in both asking for and giving help when needed and can regulate themselves and others easily. They are typically caring and protective of themselves, others and the relationships that exist. They are typically curious, open, willing to learn and grow and are most able to maintain a stable balance personally and professionally.
In most cases, adults with secure attachment don’t take things personally, are confident in relationships, resolve conflicts easily, give and receive love and affection easily and as a result, typically have more overall resilience for dealing with life’s ups and downs.
Secure Attachment and Trauma
Given what we have learned above, it makes sense that those with secure attachment have more resilience and resources to deal with and heal from traumatic experiences. The very biology of this type attachment and our natural inclination towards it, is part of what makes it so solid when it is in place. This makes it easy to have a solid, stable sense of self to return to after a traumatic experience.
People with secure attachments do however still seek out counsellors, coaches or therapists, as they see them as help to achieve a goal to make their lives even better than before. This can range from anything traumatic ie: an accident, life event all the way to empty nesters and increasing job performance. Their open trusting nature, allows them to seek out information and assistance and flourish from that knowledge and learning