November 10 – Life on the Edge, Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
“You are that which you are seeking.” Saint Francis
When I feel lonely, my first thought is that you hold the key to my loneliness. When I feel confused, my first thought is that you (or someone neither of us knows) is more clear, if I can only find them and get them to speak.When wanting respect, my first thought is that it is waiting on the other side of some mammoth achievement I must devote myself to. I try so hard to find what I need or want outside of myself, certain it is waiting for me somewhere just over there.
In the end, seeking only brings us to the edge of knowing ourselves. If we never look inward, we tend to become experts at life on the edge, while seldom unlocking what all our seeking means. We can become masters at climbing the mountains of the world instead of breaking trail to the center of our woundedness. We can become masters at driving fast cars through the night instead of moving through the dark corners of our mind. We can become masters at seducing strangers in the name of love instead of embracing the softer, less perfect aspects of who we are.
Seeking in the world has always been a way to mirror to us where we need to work inwardly, but seeking danger outside has always been a way to divert the soul’s cry for us to take a genuine risk inside.