July 5 – Beneath False Hope – Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

“We need to stay current with each other.” Angeles Arrien

It has taken a lifetime to understand how easily I can secretly wish for things to change, and in my secrecy prevent true change from happening. For example, I loved a friend for many years who was unable to listen or be kind or patient, and rather than feeling just how much that hurt, I always “hung in there,” secretly believing that he would change and grow and one day emerge before my eyes as the friend I always believed he could be.

Well, that didn’t happen. I am not saying that change is not possible, but more deeply, that true change, the kind that is self initiated and lasting, has more chance of happening in a relationship that doesn’t hide its shortcomings.

As long as I could dream of my friend as I wanted him to be, it softened the true pain of how we were actually living. Without such truth, neither of us could grow – not he, for having to face the effect of his self-centredness, and not me, for having to risk saying what I needed.

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