In my experience “forgive” is one of the most loaded concepts I hear about from my clients. The general knowledge is about how essential it is to good mental health, to moving forward in life, to being happy & whole. While those things may be true, the truth that the concept is potentially overwhelming to someone who has dealt with trauma.
They say that forgiveness is a gift to self, to move forward. For those who have had trauma, forgiving themselves may in fact be harder than forgiving anybody who has hurt them. The messages, perceptions and interpretations of thoughts, decisions, behaviours and actions have become so confused, they make the victim see themselves as being as bad as the original perpetrator.
Part of the work we do together is to look at these things, to reframe them, to see them differently and to change the relationship with them. This isn’t easy work and not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and bravery to feel deserving and worthy of self care. Part of this self care is compassion, for self as well as others. This concept can be really hard to address, but it is in my experience, the missing link or key to forgiving, moving through and issue and forward cleanly. But I can assure you, it is so beneficial to learn how to do this for yourself. Once you know it, you can never un-know it.