Today we follow up on the post from a few days ago. By now you have taken some time to recognize these people in your life, your role in the situation and are ready to take some positive steps for yourself. With that in mind, I invite you to consider the following:
It’s important to know where you get your energy from. If you have done any sort of personality profile ie: Myers Briggs etc., it addresses it on a basic level.
For example, I am an I, an introvert with E extravert tendencies. Primarily I receive my energy by spending my time alone, doing self care and rebuilding my stores from the inside out. That said, I also have extraverted tendencies and when surrounded by like minded people can draw energy from being part of this. But notice, this is draw not drain – this is an equal exchange of adding my own energy to the whole and receiving something back.
So what that tells me is that I need to take care of myself by spending time by myself and with like minded people, to keep my energy strong and balanced.
Step 1 – Take the time to figure out where you get your energy from. When you feel naturally energized? Where do you most often feel good? Positive? Happy? Pay attention to what you do when you “lose track of time”. All of those things add to you so they are good to note. To be grateful for, but also to have a list of things you can turn to, to rebuild yourself when your stores are low or just looking for a top up because you deserve it. Try to be resourced in advance of any interactions you may find challenging.
Step 2 – Take notice of those people around you that don’t seem to be affected by this sort of person / drain. Be curious about what they may be doing differently than you are? What energy are they putting out? If you have an energy vampire in common, notice how the interactions may be different. Be curious about what you can learn here, about yourself and what you may be able to do differently? Pay particular attention to this persons energy, the messages you are receiving. Consider what if any, you would like to incorporate in yourself.
Step 3 – Be curious and do a personal assessment of your own boundaries. Boundaries can be a hard issue for many people. Consider what the interaction with this person will cost you. Giving back shouldn’t cost you, it should in fact fill you up. Even if it is a traumatic situation you are comforting someone with, you still feel good about being there with this person in a support situation. If this interaction isn’t filling you up – be curious about why. Once you have given these pieces consideration, how would like to do things differently with this person? How would you like this situation to be? Write it down, visualize it – whatever works for you, to give your attention and energy to this more positive outcome for you. This will subtly work on your personal energy, raising your vibration inside and out and add to your resources.
Step 4 – Check in with yourself physically. What is your body telling you? Every time you listen to your body – it is an act of self love. Every time you ignore your body – it suits the vampires and gives them your energy to play with. So take this part seriously. Your intuition is there for a reason, to protect you. It might be hard to learn to trust it and then act on it, but over time and each time, it gets easier. Concentrate on paying attention to yourself. Bring your awareness to yourself, investigate what you may need in this moment.
All of the above pieces are to help your internal resources. But now you need some help for those parts to help you externally, with the actual person you may still be in contact with. Always try to start from a well resourced position, that in fact may help you avoid the situation altogether, as their system may no longer recognize you as an option.
Step 1 – Try to remain in a place of curiosity vs engaging in the story, the dialogue. This may seem challenging and most likely will cause a reaction in the person. That is because you are changing what you usually do and they preferred the old you. But remember, being curious activates a different space in your brain, opening new neural pathways. Again, this is a resource for you, adding to your own personal stores.
Step 2 – Stay positive and think of the outcome you wanted for this situation. Acknowledge they have so much awareness for having this conversation. By not going to the negatives or into the story, they cannot access your nervous system and hijack your energy. You are not engaging on that level, so there is nothing for them to feed off of. They now have a choice to engage with you on this energetic level or move on. Given they had little awareness of their own actions, they may walk away not knowing or understanding what happened. If they stay, ask them what is going on with them, invite them to be curious about what they are noticing? Like it did for you earlier, this will help them with new thoughts, new feelings, new neural pathways. Something different & new, opens up possibilities.
Step 3 – Invite them to be curious about where they get their energy from? Ask them what they do to be happy? Teaching them to be their own resource instead of using others for this, may also be a really great step, if you feel so inclined to share this. But remember it isn’t your job to do this.
Step 4 – Notice how you feel inside, knowing you have tools & choices, you know how to empower yourself, fill yourself up. You know this isn’t personal, that on some level they are filling a need they are unaware of. Check in with yourself to see how you feel about the situation now. What about you and your feelings may have shifted? What other steps might you need to take or consider, or has the need shifted? Has the person changed how they interact with you?
Obviously there is so much more that can be done in this situation, but as we know, any change starts with us, as that is all we can change. And I also invite you to notice what else shifts as you do? Maybe shifting your own experience of this type of a person is all that is needed, but that too is your choice.
I will be honest here and say that this is what I did to deal with energy vampires in my world. I know doing the above really helped me and surprisingly, that was all I really needed to do. It was never about the other people, it was in how I experienced them and our interactions. Once I shifted this, started resourcing myself, they no longer tried to take my energy. I resourced myself and either wasn’t on their radar or offered it willingly, from a different space where I could just sit and listen, do something different and offer them the space they didn’t have to steal from.
I would be really curious to see how you deal with energy vampires and how any of the above impacted you.