We know that all relationships are exchanges of energy, but what happens when we have relationships that deplete us, rob of us of the very things that make us who are?
Two things are important here – to identify who these people in our lives are. (It is also good to remember that their affect on us, may not be intentional) and to protect yourself, your sensitivity to their drain.
The world we live in is so fast these days its no wonder people are tired – emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically. Our interactions are goal oriented, timely and often without any real contact.
Sometimes we only recognize these people in our lives by how we feel through our actual experiences of them. In some cases, we know because of how we feel in anticipation of our upcoming time with them. This is a red flag by the way, just in case you thought it was you. This is a sign that this person, isn’t a match for where you are energetically and your body is trying to protect you from the loss.
It’s a touchy subject to be sure, but you aren’t under any obligation to use up all of your resources for another. That makes you of no use to yourself and that is not why you are here.
In some cases, this person can also be touching on a wound or belief that you have about yourself of not being good enough, or that you are a bad person if you don’t help them, speak to them for hours on end etc., They can also be passive aggressive in their approach, by putting in small digs to make you feel bad about yourself ie: you look really tired or you’ve gained a few pounds etc., By making these comments, they have immediately reduced you and taken some of your energy.
I’m not suggesting you cut everybody out of your life, I’m simply suggesting that you learn to recognize the signs and learn how to put yourself and your energy first. The bonus is in doing so, you will also continue to build self trust and your internal dialogue with yourself and your value will also increase in positive ways.
Sometimes taking a stand is the hardest thing to do. Learning how to do it in a positive way, can make all the difference. Trusting that it is a form of self care, is all you need to start. Some things to consider first…
What you need to know:
- Most aren’t aware and are just in “seeking” mode. They have learned to survive by drawing on others energy.
- Most are oblivious to the cost to you.
- It’s not personal, you just happen to be the provider of the energy.
- They push your buttons etc., to get an energetic response they can feed off of. (which is especially hard on those people with strong empathy for others)
- They look for opportunities to share in your vulnerability, to maximize the experience – again subconsciously. Times when you are tired, lacking resources, people pleasing, in a personal struggle etc.,
- You already know who these people are, by how your body responds to them.
How can you recognize you have energy vampires in your life? When you think of them, interact with them:
- Your insides know, you feel it in your stomach.
- You feel off balance, unstable.
- Your mood changes. You feel anxious but don’t know why.
- You feel heavy, tired, ready for a nap.
- You emotionally eat, drink etc.,
- You feel slighted, agitated, annoyed.
- After each interaction, they feel better and you feel worse.
Now that you have some information, its time to consider those in your life that may fit this bill. This isn’t about making them wrong or bad, blamed etc., this is about being really clear on who you are and what you want for yourself moving forward.
I will address the what to do in my next post…