April 15 – The Next Step to Health – Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
The deeper the cry, the more clear the choice.
I have a friend who has called into question whom he should love. This opened a friend of complexities, and life quickly became an endless consideration of possibilities and allegiances.
But beneath the endless inventories, his soul was calling out from way inside, and through his pain, my friend kept hearing this far off cry surface at the oddest times. Soon, he realized this cry was, indeed, much deeper than “Who?” His should was begging to feel. This seemed more serious, more urgent, more filled with terror than a choice between one woman and another.
As he began to struggle with facing himself, my friend began to realize that all decisions to be made about who and where and when were really heartfelt distractions from a deeper cry. Underneath all the painful ambiguities and assessments, his very soul was drowning, sinking out of reach of the feel of life. Once hearing the deeper cry within himself, his choice became extremely basic and very straightforward: How do I regain my wonder at being alive? What must I do to keep my heart from sinking?
Time and again, we are shown by the quiet courage of others that if we can let the deeper cry through, the next step to health will come plainly into view.